My Insanity

Hello Blogging world. I know that I haven’t posted in a while, I just haven’t had the space to. However, I felt like sharing tonight. I wrote this spoken word poem earlier this year about my anxiety because it was … Continue reading

“Don’t Panic….”



By now all of you know that I lost two of sisters quite tragically. As for telling the whole story, well that will be something I post eventually. Having said this, being in the hospital that night was the roughest time I have ever experienced. Sitting in the ER not knowing how my sisters were. Being interviewed by a detective. Sitting in the ICU waiting room for what must have been at least 8 hours. Being told my sisters were gone… Now I have said this to give you an idea of how I handled a recent tragedy that has happened in my life.

Yesterday at around almost 8, I was informed that my best friend Maisie Upson was in a severe car accident and had been taken to the hospital. At that point I took it upon myself to run as fast as I could upstairs to my room to have a breakdown. I have heard and seen stories about car wrecks and had wild images running through my mind. Thankfully I calmed down just enough to leave a message for my sister. My dad came up and informed me that he was going down there. My first thought was ” So am I.”

He asked me a lot if I thought it was a good idea.. I honestly didn’t care at that point how it was going to affect me I just knew I had to be there. So we head out on the highway… I have a couple of moments of crying before I realize that we are going pretty far into town. Then it hit me. We are going to the exact same hospital that my dad and sister were taken too… “Oh shit…” was the only other thing running through my mind besides the image of a broken and bloodied friend. My sister arrives (I had talked to her on the phone and asked her to come) thank God. If it hadn’t been for her I would be complete and total wreck. We happen upon the information that my friend hasn’t even left the emergency room yet… The Emergency room. Another one of my least favorite places. When we get there we have to stand and wait to hear from her parents…

I can see the seats we sat on.. Memories of the nurse denying knowing where my other sister Stephanie was..  It finally came full circle. I was on the other side of the fence now. We talked to her mom and found out that the major thing that they were worried about was her head.. She had suffered quite a blow so there was some internal bleeding and swelling. The best thing I heard all night was her mom continually saying “She’s gonna be alright” Just knowing that put my crazy wild mind at ease.

All things considered I am holding up pretty well. The worst thing right now is not being able to see her. In my situation we were family, and in this situation I am not… Whats really holding me together is hearing stories from her mom, dad, and sister saying that they are having a hard time sedating her because she wants to move so much. If you know Maisie, thats exactly her so that has been my happy spot. The funniest thing I heard was that they tried to brush her teeth and she was not having it. It amuses me so much because she loves brushing her teeth and her she is having a fit about it… 🙂 I am now much more confident she will definitely pull through. They are going to try and keep her sedated a few more days in ICU and she had a CAT scan tonight. I am not aware of those results yet but all I can do is pray that everything will work itself out.

It also just so happened that earlier that day I had a counseling session and I experienced a full out breakdown, so as you can imagine I was already an emotional mess.. To be painfully honest, she shouldn’t be alive right now. I saw a picture of her car.. I shudder to think how would have handled it if I hadn’t gotten such good news… God is so amazing… If it weren’t for his presence, my sister, and my dad this whole thing would have sucked. A lot. I mean I am still up and down emotionally. I have had to be the one to tell a bunch of people about it over and over and over.. I had tell my best friend on the phone about it and I just lost it… I don’t know people do that.. breaking bad news to people.. One thing is for sure I couldn’t do that very well.  I will update you guys as soon as I hear more. Thanks for being here to listen.


  How do you handle being back in similar traumatic situations? What are some things that help you the most?  Whats the best thing to do in a situation where you can’t see them? Is it best to just stay home until you can see them? How do you handle breaking bad news to friend or family member?